AUTHOR’S NOTE: It’s a foregone conclusion among modern diviners that attempting to predict someone’s death is an untouchable topic from both an ethical and legal standpoint. But it wasn’t always so.

Historically, astrologers – particularly horary practitioners – routinely forecast the “time of decumbiture” at which an ailing individual retired to his or her bed, perhaps for the last time, never to rise again before “checking out” if that is what the chart portended. Cartomancers considered the Ace of Spades to foretell death, but only if joined by another dire card like the 7 of Spades, the most noxious of the “discord” cards among the playing-card suits. Then there is the “dead-man’s hand” of Aces-and-Eights that attended the killing of Wild Bill Hickok at a poker table, forever marking it as an ill omen.

I’m not a champion of the “It’s all good” mindset because I think its proponents can be guilty of avoidance (even though I often detect a hint of resigned cynicism in its pronouncement), but I do agree that “empowerment” can arise as readily from a negative scenario as from a positive one, and perhaps more so because it receives the victim’s undivided attention. Although I neuter my health readings by couching them in non-judgmental language, I decided to take a look at my own long-range prospects for well-being over the next six months. If I’m right and my latent premonitions are justified, it will have been predictable, and if I’m wrong, no harm will have been done except to my peace of mind. At my age, these things have a habit of creeping up on you. (Of course, I would not do this for another person except in a very roundabout way.)

I applied the Celtic Cross spread for this effort because it has been much on my mind lately. I used the Thoth deck because it doesn’t pull any punches, and reversals because “it’s what I do” with almost all tarot decks. I told the cards to “give it to me straight-up.” My question was “What does my physical condition look like between now and October?”

Card 1: The “Heart of the Matter” (aka “The Situation as It Stands” or “The Environment of the Question”): 4 of Cups (“Luxury”) – I admit that I’ve been slightly lackadaisical about my health over the last couple of years (Damn you, Cheetos! Get thee behind me, Ben & Jerry!) but I haven’t been a complete slacker either. On the other hand, I think the 4 of Cups is onto me.

Card 2: “Major Motivators:” Princess of Disks reversed – This Princess is not without vitality, but she also isn’t a poster-child for physical prowess. The reversal can impart “feeling a bit wimpy,” and I can vouch for that. Older guys can lose upper body mass and strength rapidly, and I became aware that my biceps have been dwindling at an alarming rate. This doesn’t extend to my lower body because I’ve been on an almost daily treadmill regime for the last couple of years. From bottom to top, I’m starting to look like the striding hippie guy from the old “Truckin'” cartoon.

Card 3: “Foundation of the Matter:” – 9 of Wands (“Strength”) reversed – Pile it on, why don’t you? I don’t need to say any more about this one because I saw it coming.

Card 4: “The Recent Past:” 5 of Wands (“Strife”) – Not long ago I had a serious talk with myself about what I should do in this situation. What I wound up with was an intention to start doing pushups while waiting for the coffee to drip in the morning. (Full disclosure: they’re more like “mini-pushups” that might fairly be called “dips,” but I’m now up to three sets of 80 reps and it’s making a difference.) I told my wife my goal is to make my chest stick out farther than my belly, and they’re about 50/50 at the moment. I also decided to increase my treadmill workout from 30 minutes to 35 minutes at the same rate of speed (I wanted to do 45 minutes but that’s still out of reach).

Card 5: “The Present:” 9 of Cups (“Happiness”): No explanation needed here either. I’m feeling pretty good about my results so far.

Card 6: “The Near Future:” The Hierophant – What I see here is cautious optimism. In its most mundane sense, I think of this card as “maintaining the status quo,” which could mean that I won’t improve as much as I would like in the near term (hey, he is sitting on his butt) but I won’t back-slide either. It’s going to be a long, slow process. A friend of mine has been talking to the guys in our group about hiring a personal trainer, but I’m not that far gone physically that I feel the need for coaching.

Card 7: “Self-Defeating Attitudes and Behaviors” (Previously “Fears”): Adjustment reversed – Hmm, as the card of receiving one’s just desserts, I think it may be making a point about my begging off training once in a while for a couple of days at a time (usually with good reason, but it’s sometimes punctuated by a cookie or two and a handful of chips, the Devil’s handmaidens). I know a “gotcha” when I see one.

Card 8: “Querent’s Environment” (aka Querent’s Home-Base): 8 of Wands (“Swiftness”) – I read this card as encouraging me to continue ramping up my home training routine, while being careful not to overdo it. There’s nothing standing in my way but laziness (and further anatomical degeneration).

Card 9: “Self-Motivating Aspirations” (Previously “Hopes”): The Sun reversed – More insistence that I refrain from over-extending myself, although I’ve never aspired to be Icarus. This card when reversed entails prudent expenditures of energy while still offering confidence that it will be well-spent.

Card 9: The End of the Matter (aka Outcome): Ace of Cups reversed – I see this as an exuberant card when upright (I’ve likened it to a water-balloon “splatting” on a pavement), with loads of emotional fulfillment in the offing. Reversed, it’s more sobering. I think it’s recognizing that I haven’t been managing my fluid intake very well. I don’t drink enough water, although I understand that all manner of water-based liquids (except, of course, liquor, soda and beer, which promote dehydration) figure into the tally. I do drink black coffee, herbal tea and unsweetened juices, all of which count, but I’m aware it’s not enough. From another angle, it could be chiding me about continuing to stay away from alcohol, which I’ve been largely avoiding since the middle of last December. It wasn’t a matter of addiction, but rather digestive distress that kept me off it except for the occasional glass of wine. In fact, the Ace of Cups reversed could be a perfect symbol for the zero-proof spirits I’ve been exploring since I really enjoy cocktail mixology.

Conclusion: I see nothing at all threatening here as long as I stay on the straight-and-narrow and maintain my preventive and remedial activities at least at their current level. I don’t think the Hierophant, Adjustment and the Sun will fail me in this regard, despite the cautionary reversals. I will be sure to pay attention to their input.